I'm still chugging along, it's been 43 days off the stuff

The first 30 days were really rough. Lots of physical cravings (especially the first three days), and every place I went there was a trigger. The gas station: where I used to buy dip. The coffee shop: where I used to ninja dip. Home: dipping was sure fun there. Taking the dog to the park for a walk: oh I used to love dipping here. Mowing the lawn: fuck what a good time for a dip.

Now I've been through over a month of triggers, from one perspective it is frankly much easier to stay off the dip. The strong urges aren't there any more. I've hit something of a lull though. My quit isn't shiney, new, sexy, and cool anymore. It's starting to feel mundane, like it's not all that big of a challenge.

The danger is that I'll start to tinker with the idea of having "just one" dip. I don't want to fucking do that.

As for nicotine gum, I am almost completely off it at this point. That stuff was a fucking godsend. The cravings were really bad even with the gum. Without it, I would never have been able to put down the evil can of homocidal cat turds.

I want to cut out the nicotine gum completely pretty soon. I'm down to a quarter of a piece of the gum 1-3 times a day. It really isn't that bad. My plan is to stop it next weekend. However, I frankly don't give a fuck about that because I haven't used Skoal in over 40 days!!!

I'll let you know how getting off the nicotine gum goes once I start that. I pretty much feel like I don't need it now, but then when I tell myself to stop chewing it I start to feel really anxious, so there is some addiction component still operating there obviously.

But as I said, I frankly don't give a fuck about that because I haven't used Skoal in over 40 days!!! Some people have said this isn't a "real quit" because of the gum. To them, I say suck your mother's cheese-infested cunt bitch. We don't need your dogmatic idiocy in these parts. There are many ways to quit. I hope yours works for you, and if you aren't a fucking asshole, you will hope mine works for me.

Three weeks!

It's almost unbelievable as it seems like yesterday I flushed my last Apple Skoal can down the toilet, but it's now been three weeks off the cancer leaf!

The first week was definitely the hardest.

I've started to (informally) wean myself off the nicotine gum, using biting off half a piece of the 4mg piece now, sometimes less, and supplementing it with regular ol' sugar-free gum. In a week I plan to formally start weaning myself off the gum, taking half a piece at a time of the 4mg no more than once an hour. Then I'll set a date to go even less.

I don't mind that I'm on the gum right now. It has been a tough three weeks. The past week I was struck with crazy road rage in my car that set off an urge to chew. I often put a cat turd in my mouth to relax when I was angry. Now I get angry and just get more angry, so it seems I need to get some coping skills without the Cope.

One week!!!

I'm a week off the dip!!!

I know it's not a whole lot, and what is most important is just staying off the apple-flavored catshit today, but it feels nice to have gone through a full cycle, all my weekly habits etc, without putting it in my mouth.

The toughest time by far was Friday night, major urge. Yesterday I felt somewhat empty and bored, like there was a big gap in my life without the dip to occupy me on the weekend.

I'm using the gum a little less. After four weeks I plan to cut back to chewing a half piece of gum at a time (that's 2 mg of nicotine per dose rather than the 4 mg I get now with the full piece of gum).

But frankly right now I don't give a shit about the gum: just going through my life without the chew habits has been very fucking difficult. Going to the truck stop on the highway, playing video games late at night, doing boring crap at work, surfing the web on the weekend, all this stuff I did with the dip in. This past week I didn't. The gum has really helped me with the physical urges, but not completely, and not with the crazy strong habit-urges.

I made it three days!!!

The first three days are the worst in terms of crazy urges, I know from experience. Of course I am far from out of the woods. But I have been at home since last night and been able to give a respectful "No" to my urges to go to the store to score some Skoal (that's a tongue twister).

It is weird having all this free time at home. I don't have to sneak around putting in the dip, hide from my wife, waste time going to the store. I feel sort of empty without the dip. But I also see a hint of liberation.

I'm on day four. I am nowhere near out of the woods. I still am taking nicotine gum when I have the super urges (note no nicotine gum yet today!!!). But my goal was to stop dipping Skoal, so in that sense so far so good. The nicotine was really a small part of the overall habit, even if it is the most addictive part. I feel confident if I can continue with this giving up of the chew, I will be able to wean off the gum.

Day 3: Back at home

Back from vacation. Immediate urge to go buy a can of the Apple Demon of Death Can, but stayed home and played a video game instead. Tomorrow first full day at home. Nervous but hopeful.

Day two urges not quite as bad as yesterday...yet

I had a great day today out with the family. Since I am a ninja dipper (hide it from them) it was nice to be out with them and not have to sneak around looking for a good time to chew. At one point I really wanted a dip but plopped in a piece of the nicotine gum instead. That helped some, but not with all the extra stuff I like that came with chew (the sneakiness (yes a paradox I both love and hate being sneaky), the flavor, the spitting, all the accoutrements of dipping).

As I said, it was really tough yesterday the hour before I went to bed. I was aching for some dip, even considered driving out to buy some. I decided to wait out the urge. I at least know now to expect it to be tough tonight right before bed.

I am scared about getting home for the first time (I am on vacation until tomorrow night, purposely planned this time to stop so I could be away from my usual triggers). I am so used to dipping at home, especially while playing video games!!! It is such a fun thing, playing the game chewing, great time by myself. I need to prepare myself now to eat carrots, candy, nicotine gum, anything except the chew!

In four weeks I will start to wean myself off this gum, but I'm not even gonna think about that right now as it is hard enough to stop the Skoal. I plan to not take any Skoal for the next hour. In one hour, I can come and read this post and decide again.

Wish me luck

I made it! I got through my first day without a dip yesterday! It was fucking hard, especially the hour or so before going to bed. I always really like the last late-night dip relaxing and playing video games or watching TV or screwing around online.

It's now day two. I've got a full day planned, my four pieces of nicotine gum to keep me company (I got through yesterday with the help of four pieces of 4 mg nicotine gum). For the next hour, I'll stay off the shit. That's all I have to do. An hour at a time.

I'm sure nobody is reading this, but thanks for reading anyway!

Today was my first day free of chew

It has been OK so far. The nicotine gum seems to help. Certain periods, when I feel hungry, tired, or angry, I really really wanted a dip. Plus I was on a long car trip. That used to be a prime chew time. I went into a 'Flying J' rest stop store place where they tend to have really fresh Apple Skoal. I was jonesin' hard in there, wanting to be a ninja and buy a can without my wife noticing, and chew in that sneaky ninja way.

Just for the next hour, I will not chew. I don't need to do this for a week, a year, or even one day at a time. Just an hour, a minute, at a time I can tell myself I won't chew.

This evening will be hard. I am tired, watching football. I love to sit with a nice big dip, watching the game, spitting in the cup. But for the next hour, I will not chew. Wish me luck.

The nicotine gum question

There are some dogmatic true believers that think you haven't really quit if you use the nicotine gum. This is stupid. If you have quit chewing, you have quit chewing. It doesn't get much more tautologous than that! If you say 'you haven't really quit chewing' when, in fact, I have actually quit chewing, you are being a dick.

There are a whole host of things that come along with the chew (see negatives in previous post) that don't accompany the gum. My plan is to use the nicotine gum for 4-6 weeks, weaning off. Why be a masochist when I can do this more gradually?

I went to a site and this guy was like "Quitting everything, with no gum, is the only way." No. You are wrong. That is one way, and if you were a decent person you would wish to help me on my path rather than pull me onto yours.

Research into addiction shows the importance of context in triggering the behavior. The behavior I want to stop, much more than the nicotine addiction, is chewing. That's where the biggest risks are coming from in my life, the big negatives. But when giving up the Skoal, I will also be removing many dimensions of the addiction. The rush of buying a can, opening it, and putting in the dip, the spitting, etc.. I need to get into the habit of driving by the store without "running in" for a can. Sitting at home at night working on my computer without having the dip in.

Then I can wean off the nicotine.

To those that want to be dogmatic: I don't want to hear it. I've got a schedule that makes sense and I need support in that. I didn't do it without thinking, or without consulting other people that have quit (thankfully less dogmatic people). If I fail, then you can tell me you told me so. Until then, keep your Debbie Drag-me-Down shit to yourself.

T minus one day and counting

Today is my last day of chewing.

I'm nervous.

Reasons I'm quitting:

It is disgusting. Spit cups everywhere.

It is expensive (~3 cans a week=15 bucks a week=780 dollars a year)

It is awful for oral health (brown teeth, cavities, mouth sores, potential cancer risk)

It makes me a liar (I hide it from people, even my wife)

It makes me antisocial (I hide from people when I am chewing)

It hurts my sex life (when I'm chewing I'm not in the mood for lovin')


My plan for the first week:

Today: get rid of all my chew paraphernalia at home and work, throw away all old cans and such lying around.

First three days: I'm on vacation, will be busy. That is good. I'll take lots of nicotine gum.

Fourth day: Call the quit-nicotine hotline when I have a strong urge. Continue to take gum as long as needed. Even smoke a cigar if I want to.

Visit this site and post when I have an urge.

Exercise as much as possible.

Keep a supply of healthy snacks around such as carrots, apples, bananas.

Quit date

One week from tomorrow, on Saturday January 17 will be my last day of chewing. That day I am going on a vacation with my wife, and we will be very busy. They say not to try to quit when you will have lots of down time, to do it when you will be busy with other things, so it seems a good day to do it.

For some reason when I smoke cigars I am good at keeping it to once a month or so (whether I chew or not). I thought it would be like that with chew. Nope. One dip leads to another. Perhaps it's because I don't want to waste a whole can, and don't want to let it "sit" getting old so I chew and chew and chew.

Hell, I'm chewing right now.

Next week I will start a phased decrease in my chewing amount and frequency. I don't want to binge all of next week just because I plan on quitting. That will make the withdrawal even worse.

When I quit I'm going to take nicotine substitutions other than chew. Especially nicotine gum. Even a cigar a night (yes, I know that sounds stupid but for some reason I can do cigars in moderation).

Hello World!

I've been chewing for about three years now. My quit date is going to be in about two weeks (January 18th or 19th I'm not sure yet). I am sick of this disgusting habit, the money it costs me, the way it makes my teeth brown, the general risks to oral health and the way it makes me embarassed.

More later on my plan.